MIAMI – To the thousands of fans who chose AC, to leave their chairs empty and not take their Sunday afternoon sauna in Dolphins Stadium, we salute your cool judgment. For the Chargers players and coaches who also declined to attend en masse, we only can ask: What the hell is wrong with you?
Don't look at me. In this one, I'm the choir and you're Martin Luther King. It's the Chargers who need preaching to. Either that, or a pyromaniac should be hired to run through their locker room to light fires beneath their behinds.
It wasn't just their 17-10 loss to Miami, which won one game a year ago, and while better, well, how can't it be? It wasn't the heat and humidity. It wasn't the intermittent rain. It certainly wasn't the crowd noise. It wasn't the Dolphins' collegiate “Wildcat” offense, which good NFL defenses eventually will stuff like a Christmas goose.
It was more about the 2008 San Diego Chargers and who they are – or who they aren't. It was more how they lost – or what they didn't do, that careened their season into a messy 2-3 hole.
They didn't play football.
They haven't been doing all that much of it, really, but this was ridiculous. It simply was one of their worst overall efforts since the bad old days, when everyone knew they were awful, so it didn't quite nestle under the skin like a tick.
But a whole lot more people care now. So a whole lot of people don't understand. We have a genuine enigma on our hands. I've read hundreds of mysteries and guessed my share of denouements, but this is a whodunit put together by Joyce and Faulkner.
I don't get it. If you do, you're Agatha Christie. Congratulations, but she no longer is with us.
The Chargers got eye-poked Stooges-style by a lesser team, true. It happens in the NFL. If the better team won every game, New England would be world champion. It also rings correct that the Chargers had lost two games they very easily could have won, although they didn't play particularly well in either defeat – or their two wins, for that matter.
But not yesterday. No, everything wilted in the South Florida Turkish bath. Miami wasn't lucky. Miami took them to the woodshed.
The Dolphins aren't nearly good enough to be good. But they certainly proved capable of handling a team that could have been arrested for loitering. Why, the Fish didn't even have to score in the second half. The Chargers were nothing but chum, chums.
At times they appeared to be wandering about aimlessly. Intensity was lacking. They couldn't throw. They couldn't run. They couldn't block. They couldn't get open. They couldn't tackle. They couldn't cover. They couldn't adjust.
So they were outcoached. This was not Norv Turner's finest 60 minutes. I won't say this entire season has been his finest five hours. His team, which is not good – certainly not close to as advertised, and that's championship caliber – can't continue to start slowly and expect to be playing in January.
This remains professional football, which means everyone gets paid. Allowing a team of the Dolphins' caliber to get up 17-3 at the half – it was 15-0 last week in Oakland, when the Chargers managed to dig out – is inexcusable. If nothing else, they are better than this.
The Chargers' offense is far too talented for Philip Rivers and LaDainian Tomlinson never to find their rhythm, for the receivers to remain tightly covered all afternoon, for the line's inconsistency in both the run and passing game.
To get down is one thing. But there was no fire in this hole. It shouldn't take that long to open your nostrils and take a whiff.
“The first thing we have to address is going out early,” defensive end Luis Castillo was saying. “We can't continue to put ourselves in these situations. If we start fast, everything will take care of itself. It's all highlighted by the holes we're trying to get out of.
“It's a test, an obvious challenge. Are we going to do this as a team?”
The defense didn't give up a second-half point, but it still allowed Miami to rush for 167 yards on the afternoon. It allowed the Dolphins 23 first downs. It let the Fish run the final 5:55 off the clock.
The offense had 19 tries on first downs, seven of them passing plays, one complete. On them, it gained 35 total yards. Overall, it ran up 202 yards, 60 on the ground. LT, clearly not himself as a runner, receiver or pass protector, had 35 rushing yards. The Chargers were 3-for-12 on third downs.
On the first play of the final quarter, they had a fourth-and-1 at the Dolphins' 1. LT tried and failed. It was the right call, going for the tie. They didn't block the play.
Nothing they did seemed to work. They appeared hopeless.
Later, Turner tried his best to praise the Dolphins, but, once again, the Canepa Tabernacle Choir was listening.
Last week, General Manager A.J. Smith said his players know they're good.
Right now, they're lying to themselves.
Nick Canepa: (619) 293-1397; nick.canepa@uniontrib.com
